Guest Blog - Carly S.

While I know Dr. Edward Wollner (not to be confused with The Bear) has started a meticulous study of David Zach (not to be confused with The Futurist), I recently witnessed a truly original DZ phenomenon.

David is known for his catch phrases such as "When is Zach going to catch a break?", "I was CHEATED", and "If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all". Last Thursday night, I heard all three phrases in a two hour span, which is not uncommon. However the circumstances that provoked these remarks was one of a kind.

David, Ed, and Mike showed up at the Gaytles around 10pm for some Beirut (better version of Beer Pong). Mike showed up wearing a... oh never mind. Another topic for another time. I could go on for years about Mike's wardrobe choices.

So, we all play some Beirut. Zach and I are watching some games, and I take this opportunity to ask him how much it sucks to know that his sister likes me more than him. He explains that it is both depressing and embarrassing.

Later, a game startes with Dan and Clark on one side, and the returning champs from the previous game, Willie and David, were on the other.

I will take this opportunity to outline the rules of Beirut for those of you that don't know. Beirut is kind of like Civil War and Beer Pong combined. Each player has six cups in front of them. There are three balls, with continuous shooting during the game. You get reracks when you (as a player) have four, three, and two cups left, and when the team has a total of six between the two of you, you combine them and have the same reracks. If you make three in a row, you get all the balls back, and you get all three balls back to try and force a rebuttal.

Back to the game. Willie takes the first shot, and by first I mean first two, because he took the two balls in his hand (yep) and threw them both. One went in, and when Clark went to reach for it, the other ball bounced off his arm and into a cup.

Clark says "Oooook" and then Dan takes a shot and misses. Willie takes another shot, and makes it, which, as outlined above, means all the balls back. Now, when you get all the balls back, if you continue making shots, you get those balls back as well. And our dear friend Whilden Hughes may have broken the record that night, by going on to make seven shots in row.

At this point, Clark and Dan had taken one shot and were losing by seven. It's not looking so hot. So the game continues, Clark and Dan start making some shots. Willie goes on to make another two.

Zach is missing every, single, shot. After about the fifth shot, Zach takes another and misses horribly, "I was CHEATED", he says.

When you start the game by making seven in a row, one would assume the game would be over quickly. False. This game took just as long as usual. Finally, Clark and Dan catch up and Willie and Zach are still down to one cup, and dear David has not made a single shot. Zach shoots and misses for probably the 30th time, and says "When is Zach going to catch a break!"

Dan and Clark beat Willie and Zach in regular play. They get a chance to try for the rebuttal, three shots to make the one cup they have had sitting there for probably five minutes. Willie takes the first shot, misses. Zach takes the second, he misses. Then Willie decides maybe his luck has run out, and maybe Zach's luck will finally come around.

But you know what the Zach says, "If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all." And he may actually be right.

SUSBUS