Yes, yes...the rumors are true. Edward Wollner has won the ultimate 301 competition.
We simply asked a simply simple question...Who has the best charm?
And you, the masses, have spoken truth to power by handing me a solid win.
(I am able to call this solid because David voted for himself 10 times in the final 5 minutes in an attempt to steal a victory.)
To my 129 proud and loyal voters, I would like to thank you. You have shown the world the light of day. When this poll began, the night was as dark as just before the dawn...and you poured out the light right at the crack of dawn. You saw that my charm was one of a kind, and now, thanks to you, everybody must recognize. We are the ones, we've been waiting for.
To everyone who did not vote for me...you are losers. On a losing side of the game. And for that...I pity you. But if you'd like to write a guest blog, apologizing to me for what I can only assume was an accidental misvote, I will graciously accept.
I would like to clear up two more things before I sleep easy tonight.
1. This poll clearly can be skewed to represent the fact that when you people voted for who had the best charm, it meant you were voting for the person who has the best charm, out of everybody you know. So really, I arguably have the most charm out of anybody in America, from sea to shining sea. And considering we have a follower in Spain (Jwaters), this could mean I have the most in parts of the European Union! Wow, I really will sleep easy tonight.
2. Did I vote for myself? I cannot comment. But, even if I had, my computer only gives me one measly vote, and I won by two (somehow one vote was added after poll closing, I suspect Todd). So...ha. I win. Ps. Ask President Obama if he voted for himself in November. Would you call him a cheater? If you answered yes....you re a racist.
So thank you America, and parts of Spain, I accept this honor you have bestowed on me. Its dog eat dog in this world, and I am a Pit Bull/Great Dane cross bread...who hasn't been neutered...goodnight.
~ Edward "Best Charm in the Nation" Wollner
so I Jwaters am from Spain now? Cuz I thought I was from Iowa City lol
ReplyDeleteaccidentle? and nudored? ....really?
ReplyDeletekeep your chin up dave...at least your not john
ReplyDeletethis is bullshit at its finest. Last I checked David was up by 28 votes with 3 hours left. I wonder how Ed gained exactly 29 votes in 3 hours, something sounds shaddy. For those who did vote for Ed. WHY? I would rather go to Iowa State than vote for Ed Wollner. In all honesty i bet Ed recieved 15 votes from people. The rest of the votes was him voting for himself. Mike keep your chin up. you were the fan favorite, were sorry you had to put up with Ed Wollners cheating ways.
ReplyDeleteSorry that was suppose to say.
ReplyDeleteomg everyone wanted David to win. I cant believe Ed won. We told everyone not to vote for Ed. Ed cheated.
let's be honest, everyone wanted mike to win, the next pole should be who knows the most about lizards, mike would clean up
ReplyDeleteAfter seeing that Ed won, this blog sucks. I wont be back. someone with a mug like eds couldnt win a contest if he tried.
ReplyDeletewell...seeing as someone already made a profile for me on here (Ed? was that you? in order to vote for yourself?), I just thought i'd say that I voted for mettenberg. ;)
ReplyDelete