Tough Day

Everyone knows Im not a workin man. 

I mean Ive had plenty of jobs and worked them all to the fullest extent, but its not for me. Neither is school for that matter. 

But today proved it more than I ever thought....

I started my first full time job, which means...8 hour work days. 730AM-4PM. This is my version of Hell, and it has come to Earth. The job itself is just fine, great people and great environment. But after 20 years of ease my body wasnt ready for it. So today, just my second day, I took my lunch break at noon like everyone else in America. But unlike everyone else in America, I didnt eat...I slept. I crawled to my car with a fatigue only POW's can imagine, laid down in the back seat, locked the door because I dont trust intruders, and slept like a newborn baby. 

Oh, and I overslept...

...and told them I was late because I was lost...

...in downtown Cedar Rapids...

...my home for the past 20 years of which I know like the back of my hand...

...Payday this Friday!!!

~ Ted

Backround for the new poll

A Mug-chug: chugging three beers in a 301 stein

Record Times:
Casey O'Connell - 8.52 secs
Ben O'Conner - 10.1 secs
Mike Mettenburg - 12.3 secs
Herbie Lauer - 14.9 secs
David Zach-      1 min 52 secs

Casey's all time record breaking chug was, and still is, quite controversial. He completed the mug-chug with ease (I watched his gullet open and the beer slide down his throat like shit through a goose) and afterwords he b-lined straight for the toilet and proceeded to pray to that porcelain god. We want to know the publics opinion on the matter, this poll will set the precedent for future Mug-chugs. We, are the change we've been waiting for.

Why Mike? Why?

Last night Mike and I decided to go out after a rough day at work. I wasnt really feeling like going out but Mike needed a wingman...bad. So we met Clark and Shannon at Formosa. 4 Saki Bombs and 3 shots later, I felt like staying out all night. And thats basically what we did. After Formosa we went to Etc and met up with Thompson. Thompson took a shot with us, then bought us a round of shots, then said "Ill be right back,"........he never came back. 

Here comes the point of this post,

Mike and I left Etc to go to Union. We sat down, got a few Jack & Cokes, when all of a sudden Mike looks at me with that damn smirk on his face and says..."Watch this." 

I followed with, "Mike, Mike no. NOOOO."

Granted, I had no idea what he was doing, but I know that face on a Mettenburg equals mischief. 

He proceeded to walk up to some seemingly pro dart players and said, "Eh Mate!" I couldnt believe it, he was going with the "Im an Australian transfer student" gig. And it worked...for awhile. 

He got himself into a dart game where the loser had to buy everyone around the bar shots...there were probably 15-20 people around the bar. 

He said the word Mate one thousand too many times, and for some reason got 10 inches from each persons face when he said it. After a scuffle that some people had and Mike stuck his Australian-American nose in, an old guy looked at me and said, "You had better watch your friend."

Thats when I (Jason Bourne) texted Mike saying, "Slowly drop the darts on the table or chair closest to you and walk towards me and out of the bar. Do as I say. Now." 

Bottom line, drunk Mike skipped out on a $40 bill which would have no doubt gone to him seeing as he was down by 74 points...

Why Mike? Why?

~ Ted

Summertime, a time for...well...a time for summer

Welp, I hope everyone's finals went well, Jon is in Chicago and we officially turned his room into a storage closet, the same way his parents turned his bedroom in Cedar Rapids into a weight room. And if you didn't know yet, Casey O'Connell is in Europe. I don't think he can even speak a single European language. Jared came over yesterday and brought his dog, Apollo, and he shit four times in David's room. Four times. And on a lighter note, trying to sleep with the window open due to extreme heat is almost impossible due to so many trucks and people who HONK THEIR HORN FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER. I heard someone honking their horn like a madman the other day so I quickly looked out the window expecting to see a baby stranded in the middle of the road and a large semi barrelling for it being unable to stop....It was a ford focus...and there was no one else on the street...

anyways, get tan, drink outside, get that money, get that swamp ass,
happy beginning of summer,
~mcm

Guest Blog - Dan L.

Clarkisms: 311 concert
Day 1
Posts a tweet reading: “I wish I was Harry Potter.” Later he would reveal to a few members that he wouldn’t want to be because ‘it would be too much responsibility.’
During Lunch that day, Clark picks up an IMU box filled with trash and uneaten food and says watch this. He proceeds to walk over to the trash can which had a sign on it that said ‘Recycling.’ He stood around for a while to make sure everyone was, if not watching him, noticing him holding the trash right above the receptacle. Once everyone had looked, he dropped it in and casually walked out laughing …… all the while, being screamed and yelled at because of the not so green deed.
Also during that lunch, he randomly brought up the hilarious YouTube grape stomping video. Parker followed by making the noise, which I still can’t describe, that the lady makes when she falls.
And one more lunch story for good measure….. Carly was laying down on her stomach chatting with a few other scopers. A certain moustached director whose name will be untold, walked up behind her and put the antenna of a radio inappropriately on/in Carly. This isn’t the Clark story……….. this quote is: “I think C***s just got to second base with Carly.”
Day 2:
After it seemed like everyone had eaten breakfast and was comfortably full from all the donuts, bagels, juices, coffees. Clark gets up from the table and says “Well, time to cream it.” ……….. He had no bagel with him…
Random quote: “Sounds like Michael Buble” ………. Only Clark pronounced it Michael ‘Boob-Lee’
If you were there you understand this one:
Clark: ‘Have you seen the office yet?’
Carly: ‘No.’
Clark: (Before Carly can even finish saying No) “OKayyy’
In the unusual layout of the Fieldhouse, there are cramped hallways. I’m talking to Mike when Clark walks up and decides to CTM (chill the most) with us for a while. Velez comes out of the SCOPE office and starts walking towards us. Right as she is about to pass us, Clark, so maturely, makes a farting noise with his mouth. He turns to Velez, looks her right in the eyes and casually says “I farted.” Velez pays no attention to him and continues walking.
Lastly, we had just eaten some Papa John’s right as we were finishing up load out. Everyone went back to work and Clark walks over to a ramp that’s on the ground and positions himself with one foot on both edges. He performs some weird kind of motion that resembled drunken Tai Chi and says “This feels really good on my arches.”

This is why we love the kid and damn it, he will be missed. Thanks for all the memories Clark. Best of luck to you and remember if you don’t leave Iowa just remember to put on ‘Wide Open’ by Jason Aldean.

When Will the Stink Stop?

Today 301 went downtown to enjoy the nice weather...and apparently to smell Ed's STINKY ass. We were walking and for some reason he had a skip to his step. He took the lead in our group and I thought to myself, 'huh, I wonder why Ed is in such a good mood?' Before I could finish my thought I was engulfed in a stench that's unlike anything this world has seen before. If it were an organism, it would have to be classified as a new species. Later on we were looking through some posters at a store (the ones in the white frames you flip through on hinges) when I noticed Ed was flipping through them extra fast, instead of his normal pause on one, then speaking aloud to himself, 'ooo..Imonna have to get myself this one.' He was propelling the air in my general direction...He had passed gas in my face and was assuring that it reached its intended audience, I was a fool of a Took and didn't realize it until half of my nostril hairs had been singed off.

Here are some pictures of one of David's ingenious ideas when it was raining out recently. I'll be sure to post any and all of them that I can document...





















...Let's just say that David was dressing really 'trashy' that night...


ps. last night Maegan Leskovec stole a guys hat and his girlfriend got mad and threw a drink on her...Then Maegan beat the girl up...



~mcm