Wollnerine

Big Daddy has another official nickname...Wollnerine. 

Yes folks the rumors are true, I have purchased a motorcycle. I hope to have a video or picture of it up soon. But basically its beautiful, Hawkeye colors. Not a crotch rocket or bullshit scooter, but a cruiser. I don't have a helmet yet because David wouldn't let me get one. 

I am writing about it because 

A. I am excited. 

B. I hit 50mph...in the Bear's grass (he loves his grass), so not only did I pretty much ruin half the yard, but I fishtailed and thought I was no doubt going to fall off to my death. 

C. My mother sat me down and told me she will have absolutely no contact with me until it was gone...literally. And she meant it. 

D. I lied and told my dad it wasn't mine...

So basically since the second I got it people have been telling me I am going to die. That must be fun for them (Emily Zach and Tom Garland). Don't worry about me tho, I am scheduled to have a bone-animantium transfer later next week. Ill be fiiiiiinnneee....right? Guys?

Ps. David rides it like a dream. Its bullshit. 

~ Ted

Nice Start to a Day

Welp. I just spilled coffee down my shirt because my eyes were closed and I was falling asleep as it was nearing my lips.
I have walked past roughly 11 people since then. Each and every single one has walked towards me, looked down, looked back up, deep into my eyes...and laughed in a way that I could hear their laughter even after they past me down the hall.
I even heard one man say under his breath, "that sucks."
Should be a fun Tuesday.

Ps. Coffee, when spilled and soaked into a shirt, smells EXACTLY like vomit. More fun.

Pss. Did it burn? ............Yes. Extremely.

~ Ted

Shady Car Dealer!!!

Yes folks I am back. I know most of you have been awaiting my return and for that I thank you. Tonight my good friends Domingo and Ed accompanied me at Primetime Bar for all you can eat wings. I picked Ed up on the way and before we knew it we had stuffed our faces and were heading home. As I took Ed home he said, "Turn here!! No not here!" I replied with "O... that makes sense." Before I knew it I was forced to turn around in what I thought was a parking lot. Ed told me to just drive through, and although I was reluctant I did it anyways. I was soon driving through a VERY VERY shady car dealership and was soon being waved down by a complete stranger! Now let me explain one thing about this man... for one, not only was this man working at his job... he was also living at his job. Well what do you mean David? Well, let’s just say this dealership was soooo shady the man literally lived at the car dealership. Yes that is right, I had actually driven into his driveway/home and his car dealership at the same time. Somehow this man had conned me out of my mom's super cool mini-van and before I knew it, I was playing the role of a student looking for an economical car. Secondly this man had black and crooked bottom teeth... this needs no explanation. I am now strolling around this weird asses driveway/car dealership hoping I am not about to get shanked. He introduces me to this, "Sweet car that we just got in." This man rants and raves about what a great car this is and explains that it is only dirty because it just came from a gravel road... I assume this meant he had just snorted coke off of it but I was too scared to back-talk so I let it slide. He then opens the door to a 3000 dollar car, which most likely should cost 300 dollars and then I see it. The passenger door has literally NOTHING but a door handle on the inside of it. That is correct. It had no leather, no plastic, no cloth, literally nothing! The man then says, "O, that's a first one for me!" I thought this was a great car sir?? You forgot to mention the small part about the car being a piece of fucking shit!! After looking at 2 more cars, lying to this man’s face about how I would call him back in 7 days, and literally laughing in his face, I finally make it back to my car and drove off to saftey with only my sidekick Ed Wollner there to laugh along with me.

~Dave

A Single Strip

I had a rude awakening tonight at Sonic when I purchased a chicken strip sandwich off the 1$ menu. It wasn't the taste of the sandwhich, because it's always crazy delicious. But I realized the hard way that when you go a fast food resturuant, or any resturant for that matter, you are literally at the mercy of the employee working at the given time. To some people this may not be a surprise, because it's common sense, but it doesn't really set in until you are actually a victim of a disgruntled employee. All it takes is a check bouncing, or the stubbing of a toe to ruin someones day, just hope that person isn't serving you food. I got a breakfast burrito and a chicken strip sandwhich and when I opened up the burrito, it wasn't even a burrito, it was like a tortilla rolled up and nothing inside of it. I looked in the bag to see if maybe the insides fell out, but no, they just decided to put just about nothing on it this time. I let it slide. Then, I opened up my chicken sandwhich, which normall has three strips of chicken on it...it had one strip. A SINGLE STRIP OF CHICKEN. That takes up a third of the bread, so after I finished that third, it was a mayo and letuce sandwhich...mmm, sounds delicious. Why do bad things happen to good people? I mean yeah I ate it anyways, but that's not the point. I was a victim of a lazy or pissed of employee, and you know what I'm going to do about it, nothing, and you know where I'm going to go next time I want fast food, probably back to Sonic, because chances are I won't get the shaft again...right?

peaceandlove
~mcm