The David Essays - Part Three

February 9, 2009

I am currently watching David start his homework that is due tomorrow...it is 12:30 am. So, technically, it is due today. I wish I could put into words the sight I see, but that is impossible. You really have to see David Zach to believe it. He is hunched over, sitting at a computer chair, that is designed for back support. He is staring at a blank screen, the same word document he pulled up ten minutes ago. When asked what he was supposed to be writing about, he gave what has come to be the universal Dave Zach answer..."I don't know." 

Following his singing of the song, "There are no Hasleys like me, I'm all alone"... he is rummaging violently through all his disheveled papers "looking for his information," which I have come to assume is some kind of drug. If one were to look into David's eyes, even the most educated of persons would guess he had just been released from Guantanomo Bay, Cuba, where he was beaten, tortured, and sleep deprived. This would explain the weakened body, landfill style hair, and sunken eyes. Watching David through a mirror, has given me true insight on how to understand him. He is the reverse of mankind. He is the anti-education, anti-production, anti-common sense...He is the anti-everything. 

David, is my buddy. Generally speaking, when something bad happens to one of us, the other takes pleasure in the former's pain. But, through these essays, I have come to feel bad for David. Looking at him through this mirror, in this chair, I have come to realize something. David can be compared to Sylvester the cat, and he is constantly chasing Tweety bird, which symbolizes  Life. Coniving David, or Sylvester, is always so close, but can never truly catch that little yellow bastard. Maybe one day he will, which will unfortunately conclude these essays. But let it be known David, I am rooting for ya. 

Ps. But then again, thats like rooting for Hackbarth to post a blog, or Phil Garland praying for the Cubs to win the World Series........it aint happenin. So give up on those pipe dreams David (and Phil) and embrace what you've got. 

~ Ted