Why aren't you getting a good nights sleep?

A few minutes ago I saw a commercial for the "Sleep-Number Bed". The commercial asked the question why aren't you getting a good nights sleep? What a STUpid question I realized this was... let me explain. For one, I'm probably drunk... therefore I'm waking up with a hangover. Secondly my bed is a piece of shit... maybe that's why I'm not sleeping well. Thirdly, I'm in wayyy too deep with homework and probably have 3 tests in one week (yes, yes I do)... didn't you ever think about that one Sleep-Number? How about you stop trying to suck money out of my wallet and help me with my fucking homework. Fourthly Mike's crickets are running rampant in the apartment and I hear them chrip all night. Finally, did you ever think about the fact that a train wakes me up at the crack of dawn every morning. No, Sleep-Number, you never thought about any of those things, and for that I hate you. Goodnight readers.

~Dave